STAGE FOUR: Depression Stage
Signs and symptoms: The state of being brokenhearted has now come to its peak. You
will be like a walking zombie. There will be dark circles around your
eyes, large eye bags and sleepy eyes, pale lips, limp extremities and
soulless body. You are always caught staring blankly at the walls and
once you have a picture of him in your mind, more so if he’s in front of
you, for sure you’ll have a tunnel vision. You can’t see anything at
your peripheries, but him. The words of your tongue always speak of him;
you are preoccupied by his memories and eaten up by the fact that
you’re out of his life. Indisputably, you failed in your effort to cope
up in your bargaining stage on your way out of being brokenhearted. This time, you only see the gloomy side of
everything. You think that your effort in having him back in your life
was useless. But, if you are at the right state of mind, you will
realize that it is not futile at all. If you did not take chances, you
will not know the outcome. All of these things are brought about being brokenhearted, but, then again, you've experience every misery for a reason.
You pity yourself for what is happening to you. You feel that you’re the center of the universe and that everyone
and everything are against you. You think that the world is so focused
on you alone; in making your life miserable. You begin to perceive
yourself as so different from other people; that you’re despondent and
they are not; that you’re alone and they’re together with their loved
ones. You will have these feelings until you take him out as the center
of your life. Your perception of the world revolves just around you all because you are brokenhearted.
You are not comfortable in the crowd. You prefer
staying alone in your dark room and feel the sympathy of silence, gloomy
night and mellow music. You love the sensation of tears as they gush
out of your tear ducts and pour the unending sentiment of salty
encumbrance. Crying becomes your detachable compulsion.
Slowly, you
begin to ruin your life. Your grades start to fall down since you cannot focus on your work. Your social life becomes feeble as you isolate
yourself from the outside world. Your health begins to deteriorate as
your nutritional needs are not met and your sense of responsibility
vanishes with the wind.
Sooner you’ll have chronic depression and
you’ll be asked to take some drugs. Worse, you’ll be admitted to a
psychiatric hospital as your symptoms worsen and your chance for
recovery is only by the hands of the psychiatrists. You’ll have suicidal
ideations. You’ll think of different ways to terminate your life in the
way most convenient and accessible for you. Again, all of these is because you are brokenhearted. Just imagine the destructive things that you can do to yourself while staying in this status and while having the brokenhearted's point of view all the time.
Are you going to wait
for this moment for you to acknowledge the truth? It hurts but you must
bear in mind for always, that in this life nothing is meant forever.
Nights become mornings, seasons change, leaves die and hearts will
break. This is the creed of life. You have no choice but to live with it
and take its flow.
How to cope: More
than anything, acknowledge that depression is a state of mind. It is
more of what you think than what you do. When you’ll accept that fact
and keep it in your heart, for sure you are a step closer to full
recovery from being brokenhearted.
The same as with the denial stage, diversion is one of the
keys towards fighting depression. You must deflect your attention
towards anything, except him. Like in any stage, it will not be easy.
Yet the rewards are worth it. So, just follow your instinct. Proceed and
don’t even hesitate.
As what a friend of mine and a nursing student said, “In
times like this, I go out and breathe fresh air; reflect on what has
happened in my life and what are still to transpire. I go to mass
everyday and pray for God’s healing grace. Despite of all the pains that I've been through, I still believe that He has a reason for all of
these. I believe He knows best. As we say it in our prayer, “Your will
be done.” So be it. Eventually, I was able to move on and forget him.”
When you've started to direct your mind, your energy and your heart to other
things; you begin to be engrossed about it. Before you know it, he’s
not in your thoughts already. A day would pass without you being
bothered by memories of him. Well, that is definitely an excellent sign
of healing. A sign that you are a step closer to complete healing from being brokenhearted.Your wound had already formed a scab. Eventually, it will
just be a scar---a marker that some time in your life you were able to
love, be hurt and move on.
Moreover, you can undergo a total
make-over with the best hair stylist and fashion experts in town. Then,
full of confidence and energy, you can ramp your way forward. Take it
from a fashionista friend of mine who gave herself a head-to-toe
transformation. After some time, her crush became her boyfriend. They
had been together for six years now and still going strong.
Likewise,
now is the best time for you to gather enough strength that will
radiate from within. More than ever, now is the moment to think of your
blessings and be thankful of it. Be aware that in this world, you are
not the only person who experiences the same agony that you have at this
point of time. Be inspired with the survival stories of the people who
had been in your situation, who had been brokenhearted and made it a life-transforming event.
Believe that you can overcome this crucial stage of your healing.
Acknowledge your weaknesses, but bear in mind that your power is more
than enough to compensate for them. But above all, trust that prayer is
still the best tool in your quest towards complete recovery.
In
addition, an AB Psychology Professor said, “Recall that in
Chinese, the word for "crisis" is also the same as the word for
"opportunity." Endings, however they come about, are also new
beginnings. Each night, before going to sleep, let your mind tiptoe back
through your day and find at least three good things that happened to
you today. It maybe as simple as a child smiling at you, seeing a
rainbow, hearing a cuckoo or some tune that you love on the radio. Write
them down. If you compile these "magic moments" in a notebook that you
keep by your bed, in a year you'll have a thousand great memories! And
as you keep reaching for these positives, you'll find your life -
including your love life - will improve, slowly at first, then faster
and faster - as if by magic! This is the best mechanism I know for how
to cope with heartbreak! Remember, the greatest revenge is massive
success - and when it comes to coping with heartbreak, that success is
defined as your personal happiness."
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