You were there sitting alone in the crowded place, deserted, neglected and unloved---yet it was just a mere feeling brought about by your irrational generalization that no body loves you just because you were dumped by someone.
Short with the strength to jump off the building, or overdose yourself
with sleeping pills, you resort to something else. Overpowered by your
faith that suicide is a mortal sin, and held back by your guilt and the
future that awaits you, you can not bear to cut yourself and bleed to
death. So you cling into isolation, lie on bed all day long with your
bottomless stocks of chocolate bars and black forest cake. Then, beside
you is your cell phone in the hopeful case of receiving text messages or
even a call from him/her. Yet your expectations turned to
disappointments. Text messages were all dropping like raindrops, yet
nothing was from him. To your dismay, you focused on your sweets,
savouring each bite as you reminisce your times with him at the park.
You were relieved with your emptiness. Yet you begin to bloat and get
ill---so comes another problem. But, you don’t care. You even wish that
the earth would eat you up and be its sumptuous meal or that while
sleeping you will traverse the road towards everlasting peace through a
medical condition called acute hemorrhagic pancreatitis. So, the moment
you wake up, you don’t have to suffer the strong blow of reality. You
don’t have to dehydrate yourself from crying an ocean of icy cold tears,
brought by the arctic position that you are in. With
that painless Passover from life to death, you were able to escape hell
in your temporal existence. Yet you will not experience heaven in your
eternal life.
Cases like these are not new already, especially to someone with a
broken heart. At some point in your life, you had also shared a part in
the floods and tsunamis brought about by the uncontrolled transformation
of your emotions into torrent of tears.
What do you do?
The key to any form of healing is through the acceptance that there is a
problem. In this case, it is clear that you are under the torments of a
broken heart. More so, you have to acknowledge that you have to go
through different stages in mending your broken heart. Once you realize
these things, you are now on the starting point in your pursuit towards
complete healing. You can even chart your progress and see that it's
only a short trip to recovery.
STAGE ONE: Denial Stage
Symptoms: This
is where you are now. You know for sure that everything between you and
him has come to an end. Yet you choose to close your eyes on the real
thing and create the same world like you had with him before. But,
it isn't just the same. Now, it is only you living in it. The fact is
that, the two of you are now separate entities treading in parallel
directions. Still, you force yourself in making those lines cross once
more. You consciously blind yourself because you can not accept the fact
that it is all over. The things you used to do, have or experience
before that he’s still in your life are completely different now.
You wake up in the morning, grab your cell phone and send him a message
saying, “good morning baby, it’s time to wake-up…” Then, his reply would
be, “good morning, too but you’re not my baby anymore…” It hurts of
course, yet you won’t give up. You’ll think of excuses for his cold
reply. Maybe he’s just kidding or is just trying to piss me off. Or
maybe he’s just having a bad day from our misunderstanding the other
night. This would be your daily habit. Time after time, you send him a
message that he won’t bother to reply even with a smiley or a single
word. To your despair, you’ll call him every now and then, only to hear
the voice saying, “the telephone number you dial is either unattended or
out of coverage area, please try again later…” True to it, you try and
try.
You go into the nearest internet cafe, open your Facebook account and
post on his wall and update your status. Again, you’ll sound as if he’s
still yours. Only to find out later that his primary picture only has
his face, with the widest grin as if nothing happened. Worse, you opened
his photo gallery only to see a picture of him with another girl or
even worse, with another man.
Every morning, you pass by his house as you go to school, waiting for
him to come out alone or with another man/woman. You pass by his room as
you go into yours, waiting for him to notice you and say even “hi” or
just throw a smile. At night, silence is killing you. You feel the pain
intensifies as it gets darker. So, you'll find a shoulder to cry on and
release the burden inside that has been torturing you consciously. Then,
you were relieved. The next morning you go back into your daily habit.
You hang-out with friends and sing out your emotions at a karaoke bar.
How to cope: An
AB Psychology Professor that I know from school said, “In the early
stages, accept your pain. If you'd broken your leg, you'd expect it to
hurt for a while and you'd manage your life around it. It's the same
with emotional pain: to cope with a broken heart, let your heart be
broken for a while. It will heal easier if you let nature take its
course.” She also added that you must realise that healing from
emotional pain is a rollercoaster ride - not a straight line. Physical
injury will get steadily better day by day but emotional hurt doesn't
heal like that. You get a run of good days, then WHAM! A bad one hits.
Expect these, and you'll discover you can cope with the heartbreak much
better.”
These words are really easier said than done, but you must take the risk
if you want to save your heart. In any hurting situation, most of us
delve into tears. So give in to it. As said earlier, you must feel the
pain. You can not go on to another stage unless you were able to pass
through the first phase. To really feel the pain, you must give up the
things you were used to before. Like if you were accustomed to receiving
sweet text messages every now and then starting from the moment you
wake up until you close your eyes and sleep at night. Now, you must get
used of not having those. Worse, you must not insinuate things to happen
again. You will just hurt yourself more. It would just add up to the
wound that is still in the process of healing. With that, the curing
process will be lengthened; the pain would be more severe as you keep on
adding trauma to the lesion. It’s like you have just undergone an open
heart surgery and because of straining too much, the site of incision
will undergo dehiscence and evisceration. If you would not stop from
adding trauma to the freshly operated wound, eventually complications
will arise. Before you knew it you were already bleeding relentlessly
like the flow of blood in a dying person. If you want to save yourself,
then just feel your current pain but don’t add up more. Your pain
threshold might be so high to acknowledge that you are that injured
already, but later on you will realize the consequences of your actions.
Just hope that it isn’t too late to revive yourself once more.
I know there are still lots of ways to cope up during this stage, so I
asked some of my friends and co-workers about it. One of them said, “I
just eat a lot to divert my attention. But when the pain becomes so
severe already, I just cry it out.” Most of what I had interviewed
engaged themselves to activities that could divert their attention.
Jason, a registered nurse said that during this crucial time, he goes
out with friends and just have fun. There are also who really tries to
see the bright side of the situation and just think of positive things.
Some regain their composure by reminding themselves of how beautiful
they are; that this time is a perfect opportunity to give chance to
others who are on the line, dying to be with them. Indeed, it can soothe
your pain for some time. But still you can’t deny that in your
solitude, sadness will still eat you up. So, temporary escape could be a choice. Yet your last option would still be to feel the pain until it hurts no more.
If you are married and you want to save your marriage, then this SAVE YOUR MARRIAGE eBook would be of great help.
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