The Second Stage of Mending a Broken Heart

STAGE TWO: Anger Stage

Symptoms: You’ve been hurt so much on the first stage. Your line of thought this time is rage, fueled by the intensity of pain you had endured. It follows that your pain and your anger are directly proportional to each other. Don’t worry, it’s not a bad sign to be angry. It is just a reminder that your heart is beginning to heal and that you are a step closer in mending a broken heart. You start on saying bad words to him at the back of your mind. What nerve he had to dump me! He’s not even handsome, rich or intelligent. He’s simply nobody. Eventually, you’ll see yourself backbiting him. Once your mouth begins to open up and utter its first word, it would be hard to stop just like addiction. Sometimes, you even fabricate your words just to make it worse. You’ve become the antagonist without you knowing it. So you reassess yourself at one time, and you’ll realize that you’re anger had taken you towards being someone you are not. You begin to be guilty with what you’ve done. But, it would only last for some time, and then you’ll turn the blame on him. It’s all his fault. If only he did not do this to me. If only we are still together, doing the same things we used to do. If only he still has the eyes to see the beauty that is in front of him each time we pass by at each other. If only he did not break my heart. Don't worry all of these emotions are part of mending a broken heart. 

Later on, you’ll have a temporary reawakening from the truth and had come to accept it by heart. So, you start on dating believing that it can be good in mending a broken heart like yours. During your free time, you go out to the nearest internet café and chat with different people. You’ll have lots of new acquaintances. Some you’ve known in the chat room, others through your cell phone. There are a few who had been introduced to you by a friend, and still some you’ve come to mingle and dance with at the night clubs.

Weeks or months after, you have a new boyfriend. Good for you---but how about to the guy or to the relationship itself? Of course you know at the back of your mind that rebound relationships are not healthy. First, it is unfair for your partner. Second, you’re fooling yourself. It is not love that you have towards him. You just gave in to him because you know that your night is cold and you need warmth to save you from chronic sadness and soon depression. Sooner or later your affair will break. It is like a piece of glass ware; so fragile and breakable. It can not take even the slightest tension.

How to cope: In the words of the psychology professor that I know, “Don't add guilt to anger. If you've been dumped or abandoned, it's quite reasonable to expect to feel anger. (That doesn't mean get physically or emotionally abusive though - that will land you in a lot of trouble - even jail!) Anger's not a bad emotion - it's better than despair.” Indeed, you must release what you truly feel because if not, it will wreck yourself. You should remember that your pains inside are poisons that need to be released. If you won't, then these pains can kill you softly and you will be farther away towards mending a broken heart. You can’t have your focus, so you’ll become a mess. Eventually all the unexpressed feelings and unspoken words that you have inside will clog up and can even lead to a malignant tumor. You have no excuses to express what you truly feel. As they say, “You can close your eyes for the things you don’t want to see, but you can not stop the beating of your heart to avoid the feelings you don’t want to feel.”

The psych professor also added, “Don't stay angry. Anger is a phase you'll probably go through – it’s part of how to cope with the pain of heartbreak, but it isn't the only answer! It takes a lot of energy to stay angry, and the only person who'll be hurt is you. Eventually, you'll get bored and exhausted with the anger - so look for signs of that and welcome them as moving on!”

However, if you’re still at the peak of releasing what you feel. Then, don’t hesitate to express it in any way you like. Just remember that all your actions should be coupled with responsibility, since whether you like it or not everything has its repercussions. You can release your anger through some activities that you love to do. If you love playing computer games, then release what you feel in every stroke that you make in your keyboard or joystick. Or if releasing your physical strength is your passion, then, you can punch your pillow, your bed or even the hard walls of your room. Mr. Baldon, a nursing student, chose to have tongue piercing because for him physical pain is far easier to endure that emotional pain. But still, if you are not contented with what you did, you can resort on some thing else that will give you satisfaction. You can opt to do things which you will regret later. But, at least it helps in lightening up what you feel. I mean, you can formalize your break-up by getting rid of everything you have that reminds you of him. You can get his picture and throw dart pins on it, tear it into pieces, or draw something on it. You can take out all his love letters inside your cabinet and burn it one by one together with the memories that each letter has. Be aware though, that months or years from now, you’ll wish that you haven’t done it. That it’s also good to have something that will remind you of your past and how you were able to pick up the pieces of your broken heart and continue on living and loving. It’s good to know how those memories from the past add up to your strength in facing life’s ups and downs.

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